Standing on his balcony facing south, he looked over the rolling hills dotted with homes and lined with trees, breathing in the fresh air coming in off the ocean. Birds were chirping all around him, and he could hear the faint sounds of light traffic coming from beyond his view. Despite the desperate times caused by the coronavirus pandemic, he was determined to not let the doom and despair felt by so many let him slip back into his old patterns of feeling anxiety. He was determined to just be in the moment, and then to think about what he hoped to accomplish once things had settled.
Yet, lingering in the deepest, darkest recesses of his mind were thoughts of hopelessness and despondence. They were vividly present in his most emotionally-arrested moments because that's just human nature. He couldn't escape the images of forlorn people grasping for relief; the images of every single imaginable individual from every walk of life searching for a glimpse of hope in an otherwise depressing sea of media, news, and social media post. And then he decided to go spend time with a friend. The longing to be social too strong to resist, the idea of having to travel through back roads and hills to see said friend too enticing. He just wanted to enjoy some momentary human contact in order to reestablish a level of normalcy that—though not that far away—seemed unreachable in such a dire time.
As his friend and him chatted about various topics ranging from present life, to the virus, to philosophical ideals, to travel destinations, to overcoming the current troubling times, he was reminded of a love he once had that he sorely missed. A love that only comes once in a lifetime, and was gone just as quickly as it had previously sparked a revelation of newly unknown emotions. When his friend suggested that he was better off alone and not having to deal with the oft bitterly looked upon negatives of being in a close relationship, he scoffed and said that he'd rather have those negatives because of the overwhelming positives that come from a loving relationship. As he traveled back home after his short time with his friend, he thought about relationship. He contemplated how none are perfect and that many are flawed, but he also thought about how, in a time when most everyone is being encouraged to shelter in place, he felt especially lonely because his past love had moved on, and he was now left as solitary as the moon. Perhaps seen from a distance by some, likely ignored by more than can be counted, he felt as if he was beyond enveloped by seclusion.
Yet, lingering in the deepest, darkest recesses of his mind were thoughts of hopelessness and despondence. They were vividly present in his most emotionally-arrested moments because that's just human nature. He couldn't escape the images of forlorn people grasping for relief; the images of every single imaginable individual from every walk of life searching for a glimpse of hope in an otherwise depressing sea of media, news, and social media post. And then he decided to go spend time with a friend. The longing to be social too strong to resist, the idea of having to travel through back roads and hills to see said friend too enticing. He just wanted to enjoy some momentary human contact in order to reestablish a level of normalcy that—though not that far away—seemed unreachable in such a dire time.
As his friend and him chatted about various topics ranging from present life, to the virus, to philosophical ideals, to travel destinations, to overcoming the current troubling times, he was reminded of a love he once had that he sorely missed. A love that only comes once in a lifetime, and was gone just as quickly as it had previously sparked a revelation of newly unknown emotions. When his friend suggested that he was better off alone and not having to deal with the oft bitterly looked upon negatives of being in a close relationship, he scoffed and said that he'd rather have those negatives because of the overwhelming positives that come from a loving relationship. As he traveled back home after his short time with his friend, he thought about relationship. He contemplated how none are perfect and that many are flawed, but he also thought about how, in a time when most everyone is being encouraged to shelter in place, he felt especially lonely because his past love had moved on, and he was now left as solitary as the moon. Perhaps seen from a distance by some, likely ignored by more than can be counted, he felt as if he was beyond enveloped by seclusion.
The Old Guitarist is an oil-on-panel painting by Pablo Picasso (1881-1973). It's a vivid depiction of an elderly, blind, and haggard musician wearing tattered clothing while weakly hunched over his guitar playing in the streets of Barcelona (source). At the time, Picasso was in the midst of what he referred to as his "Blue Period", choosing only to use monochromatic bluish tones in his paintings. Also influencing his style were the facts that he was not leading a very healthy lifestyle, and a close, personal friend had recently committed suicide. In the midst of Picasso's desperation and irreparable state-of-mind, he painted what is now considered to be one of the most poignant pieces of art to ever grace our society. Picasso managed to capture pure despair.
Immediately standing out is the skeleton-like body which is feebly propping up the man attempting to find solace in music both for himself and others. He's frail, ailing, and poor, but he's also clearly attempting to bring joy to those in ear-shot during what must be the most troublesome time of his entire life. With his mouth agape, his shoulder exposed to the elements, and his feet ravaged and bare, he infirmly sits up against a corner in order to strum tunes hoping the emanating sounds can distract any passersby from harsh reality.
And that is the moral of this wearily-told story. Even in the darkest of times—even when you cannot seem to find hope—there, just outside of the darkness that you feel has overwhelmed you, is light. Hope and determination and inspiration and much-needed distraction and "the fire under your butt" that you need is right there. This old guitarist sought to bring some light into a dark world, and if he were real, I'm sure he would have. Such is true for you even in the midst of the most tenebrous depths of this frustrating, tiresome, and annoying COVID-19 outbreak. Prop yourself up wherever you can, reach for a talent that you have, and shine some light on the others around you no matter where you are and no matter how exhausted you feel.
I miss the love of my life so very much. So much so that, believe or not, in this time of shelter-in-place—as alone as can be—I am able to find hope in realizing once again what my true feelings are, and in regaining a seemingly unattainable optimism that maybe, if I'm blessed enough, I can reclaim what I once had and so dearly, dearly miss.
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